Testo Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help your black ass Amanda Palmer

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help your black ass

When I was six years old, my sister Alison
asked for a stove for her birthday.
A miniature one you could actually could with
and my mum was nice and she bought one.
Alison needed a reason to bake something, barged in my room and she grabbed me.
She said "I made a cake and we're going next door
to Sam Leinstein's and you're getting married."

The cake was burnt.
It tasted gross.
She made me kiss him.
On the mouth.

Now I am 33, I'm married happily,
no plans in life and I'm planning to keep it
that way. I do kissing with only one mission;
do you like to kiss? Then you have my permission.

And I've already spent too much time
doing things I didn't want to,
so if I just wanna make out all the time,
you can bet your black ass that I'm going to.

When I was 9, I was kind of a loser,
the kids in my class didn't like me.
Melanie Showers; the meanest of all,
and my mom made me go to her party.
Nobody talked to me,
I sat there quietly,
drawing with crayons on a napkin
a picture of Melanie, skewered with a pitchfork,
her legs getting eaten by lions.

The cake was good
I took some home
I had a party
in my room.

Now I have friends and I'm not such a loser
and I go to bars all the time and I sit there
and I order red wine and I write
and I like being alone around people,
yes, that's how I like it.

And I've already spent too much time
doing things I didn't want to.
So if I wanna sit her and write and drink wine,
you can bet your black ass that I'm going to.

Yes, I come here often.
Sure, I'll have another one.
Yes, I come here often.
Sure, I'll have another one.

But I don't have to talk to you!

When I was seventeen
I was a blow job queen,
picking up tips from the masters.
I was so busy perfecting my art,
I was clueless to what they were after.
Now I'm still a blow job queen (far more selectively)
I don't make love now to make people love me.
But I don't mind sharing my gift with planet,
we're all going to die and a blow job's fantastic!

And when I was 25, I was a rockstar, but it didn't pay too well,
I had to strip on the side of the road
to get ready for shows
and the cars driving by, baby, they'd never know
what a bargain they'd gotten
and if I'm forgotten
I'll be perfectly happy with all that has happened.
And I still get laughed at, but that doesn't bother me
I'm just so happy to hear laughter around me.

And I'e already spent too much time
doing things I didn't want to.
So if I wanna drink loads and dress like a pirate
or dress like a dyke and wear high heels and lipstick
or hide in a convent
or try to be mayor
or marry a writer
smoke crack
and slash tyres
make jokes you don't like
or paint ducks and retire...

You can bet your black ass that I'm going to