Testo A boy and his boat Starbomb

A boy and his boat

Hey, it's Link. I'm back, and I'm sailing on a ship

I'm the King of Red Lions!

Yo, I don't give a shit
If there's one thing I've learned from years of saving this land
It's all I really need is a sword and shield in my hand
[Danny Sexbang]
But look over there, that sign says "Beware"!
"A giant pit no one can jump you can't fly through the air"!
You'll need a special item to get through that moat
But what do I know, right? I'm just a fucking boat!

Fuck, alright. Shit, okay
I can maybe pick up one or two things on my way
But as far as I'm concerned, all I need is "sword play"
[Danny Sexbang]
Shut your fucking elf mouth and take my items, okay?

Your quest is long, and the road is tough
The path is dark, you're gonna need a shitload of stuff
No lives are spared, you better be prepared
Moblin fangs and a boomerangAnd a cloth to shield that nasty wang!
From Majora's mask to an empty flask
Here's what you need to complete your task!

A bow and arrow, nice, and a skeleton key!
And a second place trophy from a local spelling bee?
A candle with the handle, and a single Velcro sandal
Is this an old court order for a drug related scandal?

No...

Hey boat, all these items hurt my back, its a lot!
[Danny Sexbang]
Pop a Tylenol, you bitch, you've got 87 slots!
Here's a hammer that can break any kind of rock that it hits

Oh!

And a pair of full-size studio drum kits!

Ugh!

A giant used Q-tip
A really small cruise ship

A parent's signature for a Disneyland school trip?!

Documents that prove the moon landing was a hoax

And a legendary sacred hidden Golden Tome Of Fart Jokes!

This Wind Waker lets you control the air
And this sit maker is a really comfortable reclining chair!
The road is long, you must protect that schlong
Noble stallions and great medallions
You're a bigger deal than plumbing Italians!
Sour-dough, a herd of buffalo
Just a few more things and you're ready to go!

Your grandma's glass eyeball

80-pounds of drywall

And every single item from the March issue of Skymall?

A vegan pasta maker

The wrestler "Undertaker"?

An odd number of crutches and a family of Quakers

A basket of muffins

A turkey with the stuffin'

A pillow that needs fluffin'?

A society of puffins!

A fresh unopened box of raised-quality potato sacks

46 copies of "The Jerk" on Betamax!

It's getting kinda heavy...

I don't care, here's a Chevy!
And the Wacky World of Minigolf
Starring Eugene Levy!

Oh my god
I absolutely cannot carry one more thing!

Don't you worry, all that's left is this single piece of string

Woah...you see?
This is exactly why I also packed a spinal surgeon

...I hate you, boat