Testo Don't know anymore Central Cee

Don't know anymore

To get to my current position
I done more than 10,000 hours
Dreamt that I saw my name on a gravestone
Maybe then they would give me my flowers
Mum put 3 of her boys in the tub same time
'Cause we couldn't afford to shower
Before man snaked me, I already saw it coming
I saw they were sour
But now it's my time to experience fame
The opps tryna find out where am I staying
My girl don't believe anything I'm saying
My family need anything, I'm paying
Sat down telling a therapist stories
I know she ain't gonna relate
What's this? What's that?
I don't care to explain
I'll deal with grief and bearing the pain

I don't paint these girls in a positive way
You can tell that my heart's been broken before
Tryna heal, but it's taking time
What's the point in life?
I don't know anymore
Tell the young boys stay in school
But I wouldn't be here if I followed the law
I keep making dumb decisions like I don't have control of my thoughts
The guys wouldn't know that I'm feeling like this
'Cause I conceal and hide it
Everyone's there on the weekend vibing
Nobody's there when I need consignment
I heard the quote that the strong survive
But I still got a fear of us dying
Some nights still toss and turn in my sleep
'Cause I seen some serious violence
I was 6 years old when dad left home and they shot my granddad
All of that at once
My little bro's still going to school
But he wanna do everything that the gang does
Now he's repeating the cycle
'Cause he's outside and he wanna go act up
Got sick of the carton milk
It was free school meals, we never had pack lunch
Cutting the mould of the loaf of bread
And I looked in the fridge and the milk expired
All of the mandem jumped in the trap
'Cause we put on The Wire and got inspired
Not surprised when I see man lying
It's fine, I already clocked they're liars
I just saw a cat that I know whilst driving
I might park up on the block, say hi
Mum's house banging out Beanie Sigel
I still don't feel much love in the air
Lost faith in God 'cause I thought I was cursed
Kept it to myself 'cause none of them cared
Telling my baby:
"Wait, I don't know how long it will it take, I'm gonna repair
If it all falls down, would you bounce?
If none of the tours sold out, are you gonna be there?"
There's a few times I lost faith in music
I put out a tune and it didn't get views
Me and my broski went and came up with a plan back then
But it didn't go through
You know that shit that you say when you're broke
Like "When I get dough I'ma bring in you too"
Then I blew up and reality hit
Shit, now I gotta think this through

Three little brothers
Mum's 40 and still ain't paid off her student loan
My dad can't move, he's fucking paralysed
Just went through some serious stroke
The mandem calling me
YG's warning me
Saying that I gotta leave home
I get more money, more problems now
I had less to worry 'bout when I was broke
Remember I had one pair of Air Forces
Tryna keep out the creases
Now the front drive look like it's a showroom
And none of them leases
I'm extremely grateful for all my people
'Cause none of them leeches
I dropped a tape, got a billion streams
And none of them even features

Now my bredrin dissed me tryna go viral
'Cause he ain't blown yet
How is that my fault?
I thought you was Christian
Why don't you move like Mathew, Phillip, disciple
But you wanna snake man, move like Judas
'Cause you ain't blew, it's fucking vio
And we're in London, bare opportunity
It's not like we live in Ohio
I booked hotels and flights to all of these shows
And brought you to all of these countries
Say thank you and pretend that you're grateful
But when I turn man's back, say fuck me
Whole six months, living at your mum's
We was with big bro, on our own, it was us three
Shouldn't ever bite the hand that feeds you
I leave man starving 'cause you're too hungry
I said that I got you, but you didn't trust me
I would've, but you didn't give me the chance
You can ask anyone of the mandem now if I ever left them in the dark
Whatever's meant to be will be
I can't turn back time or dwell on the past
But I sometimes wonder
Could have I got this far without losing my dargs?